The Roommate
by K.Henderson
Summary: Bad events plague 2 guys after they move in together; A drunk Vegas wedding with Gilbert the groom & Natalia as the bride. A jealous Alfred? Feliks and Leah strike up a friendship. Edward tries to kill Jacob. Meet Rasputin the beanbag. Kumajiro vs Gilbird
1. WEEk 1 was ok WEEk 2 is a bitch!

The Roommate

Don't own the characters-

All humans-

couples are scattered and different-

Jakey-Cake and Edo-Kins are living together-

Hilarity abound-

* * *

**-WEEK 2**

Leah was in trouble, such big bad trouble. Edward could barely contain the bubbling fury that threatened to overflow from his indifferent countenance though you would be hard pressed to tell through his indifferent mask and a mask it maybe but then Edward wasn't outwardly the most expressive puppy in the liter, maybe his little sister Alice and maybe even his older brother Emmett, they might notice, maybe but not anyone else.

Bella would be cowering right now if she were here but then; the girl had enough foresight to not walk him to his apartment. Hadn't she mentioned something about possible murder?

"So, what do you think?"

"I think I want to strangle you."

"Oh Rommie, c'mon! I can totally get this clay cleaned up and off of the floor."

"I don't care about the floor you fool, I was talking about my sofa and coffee table! Why are they splattered in paint?"

Indeed, the leather furnishings, the wooden tables and well everything had been covered in drying paint horrendous orange and dry clay. Living with an art major was fine, dandy if the other person worked in their own rooms not in Edward's living room destroying and blowing up (this happened last week, Edward almost died...the kitchen had been nearly destroyed) made Edward want to dive off the deep end.

He was sure that perhaps if he worked harder he could afford his apartment himself, after all, when you were living with Jacob Black who had a long list of weird and insufferable quirks you could probably fly over the moon. It had been Leah's idea for Jacob to move in with Edward. 'He needs a place to stay; he'll pay rent and buy his own food.'

Oh how Edward would have the perverse pleasure of murdering Leah right now, lover or no. Wouldn't matter if she could do that bendy thing with her back or that she could tuck her leg right behind her head when-

"Hey, you weren't really attached to that beat up old beanbag were you?"

_Heart aching..._

"Why?"

_Hands shaking..._

"Well, you see, and this is going to make you laugh your ass off," Jacob grinned. "I was walking out of the kitchen right, and I decided I wanted to watch a movie. Since you made such a big deal about me eating while sitting on the furniture in the living room I decided to use the bean bag."

"That is furniture."

_Pulse racing..._

"Dude it is so not furniture. It's a bean bag. Anyway, I was eating hot chili and watching this movie-you know that one with the subtitles and the evil little vampire girl and that little blond kid?"

"Let the right one in?"

_Shortness of breath..._

"Yeah, well anyway, I was watching it and then it was that one scene where the evil little vampire girl jumps on that one lady and bites her..." Jacob paused thoughtfully, he looked almost scared. Good, he should be.

"Go on..."

_Teeth grinding..._

"I jumped and spilled chili and nacho cheese covered popcorn on it!"

"You WHAT?!"

_Left eye twitching coupled by lightheadedness and joint pain. _

"I'm sorry dude! Chill! I cleaned it up." Jacob pulled a frightfully bright orange cloth from his back pocket. He held the rounded edges in his hands; the smiley face that had been present looked like a wrinkled frown. "But I had an accident with the washing machine."

"Washing machine? You put a beanbag in a washing machine?"

_Right eye joins left in twitching seizure what Leah calls The Dance of the Caterpillars._

He could feel himself slipping. Bye bye cool clam and collected Edward, may angels bring you to heaven on their wings. Evil Edward, the Edward that was going to prison for killing, maiming and flaying a barely legal American Indian over an open fire laughing maniacally was being brought out the kind of Edward that just screamed "Imminent Death."

"Hey Edward, you're ok right? I mean, it's just a beanbag."

Edward didn't think he needed to mention that the beanbag had been the first ever item he had purchased when he was fifteen when he'd gotten his first job...

He didn't mention to Jacob that he had loved the thing despite numerous times of near assassination it had almost gotten due to Alice and his aunt Esme who loathed it...

Nor had he voiced that he'd lost his virginity on it and that Leah loved to reenact their first time on it every Saturday night, right there on the smiling face of the beanbag with her legs all- (Off subject) - besides Jacob knew all of that anyway-Leah and Bella had explained it...

"OOMPH!"

...so the fact that Edward's fist landed with a direct hit to Jacob's jaw shouldn't have been all that surprising.

* * *

**-WEEK 4**

**

* * *

  
**

"So you gonna tell me what this is all about?"

"I don't think I will."

"You're eating a burger Mr. Mason. I think this is a call for an explanation. I thought you hated fast food. I think something's wrong with this picture."

"I don't think there is, Mr. Jones. I think you're just reading into things too much."

"Do you need help? Are you dying? Holy Hamburglar, you're dying aren't you Edward? You're dying and you wanted to try a hamburger before you met your maker! I'll be your HERO Edward, I'll save you! Is it gambling debts?"

"No, Hero, it isn't any of the above."

"Tell me then!"

"Fine-I just found out that Jacob had sex in my kitchen. I am not setting foot in there without it being properly cleaned. I was hungry and low on cash so I came here for something to eat. It isn't the melodrama you are making it to be."

Alfred F. Jones stared at his neighbor from across the brightly colored red plastic table of his favorite fast food place, McDonalds (obviously).

"So uh, you gonna finish those fries, Ed?"

Edward sipped his coke loudly as he pushed the fries across the table; the fewer arteries clogged in the place the better.

* * *

**-WEEK 7-**

**

* * *

  
**

Edward rummaged through the fridge, tired angry and well frustrated. It was his week to cook. He hadn't any idea of what to make. From her seat on the counter Bella sipped at her beer listening to Jacob as he and his little idiot friend Feliciano Vargas about the do's and don't of sculpture.

"Jacob," Edward inclines his head to the side, his eyes going to Bella first then to Jacob. "What do you want to eat?"

"Oh crap..." Bella almost groans.

"What?"

Before she can answer two sets of voices shout loudly in his ears.

"**PASTA**!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

**-WEEK 14**

**

* * *

  
**

"You forgot to pay the light, didn't you Eddie?"

"..."

"It's ok, you forgot-"

"I hate you..."

"Hey man, why are you making it sound like my fault?"

"..." Heavy breathing. "Because My Darling Jacob, _you_ were supposed to pay the light!"

"...so that envelope wasn't a birthday gift?"

"No, no it wasn't."

"I'm just gonna mosey to my room now."

"Yeah, you should."

**_Bam!_**

**_Crash!_**

**_Break!_**

"...Um...Edward...you weren't particularly attached to that lion sculptur, right?"

"..."

**_Punch!_**

"...yeah, that's what I thought..." Jacob shrugged his shoulders wincing at his aching jaw. He flipped Edward off or where he thought Edward was standing, after all it was really hard to see in the dark. "Ass-hole."

* * *

**WEEK 22-**

**

* * *

  
**

Edward was enjoying his free time. Exams were over, summer was just beginning Leah would be at the apartment later to make his favorite dinner and **above all**, Jacob was getting ready to leave for the summer with his father. During all the nice peace and quiet Edward allowed himself to take a little catnap on his (new) sofa and had been sleeping quite soundly for allover twelve minutes before being awakened by a slight weight resting on his chest.

_'I'm not looking, I am not opening my eyes. Whatever, it is has to be a part of some dream because there is no one here, and if there is it's that damn mutts fault.'_

He opened one green eye just for a peek before the other joined and he stared on in horror at what exactly was lying on his chest.

"What in the name of Mozart?!"

"Oh, yeah Edward, you remember Matthew Williams right?"

"Who?" Edward was bewildered.

_Who was Matthew Williams? Oh wait!_

"Alfred's cousin Mathieu?"

"Yeah! Well anyway," Jacob was standing in front of the sofa now with a boyish grin on his dark face automatically giving Edward an overall bad feeling. "-Mattie's going away for the summer with Katyusha."

"Ka-what? Oh, you mean Yekaterina Braginskaya." The image of his short blonde haired rather big busted whiney classmate entered his mind-she was Ivan Braginski's older half sibling wasn't she? She was a nice girl like, her brother-even if Edward seemed to be the only one who liked Ivan. People tended to avoid the Russian boy like the plague although Edward couldn't see why. "Isn't she visiting her parent's in Ukraine?" Edward asked.

"Yep. He's going with her."

"Good for them." He said staring at the ball of white ball of fluff sitting on his chest. "However, that does not explain the little polar bear currently seated on my chest like someone on, lets say, my dearly departed Beanbag friend Steve, may he rest in peace."

"Still not over that, huh?"

"Don't change the subject." Edward said eyeing an all too innocent looking Jacob Black. "What does this...thing have to do with Mathieu and Yaketerina?"

"Well, I sort of kind of offered to watch the little guy." Jacob pat the bear on his fluffy head. "But when I mentioned to my dad about bringing the little guy with me to the house this summer he told me that he was allergic to animals (Edward: He dealt with you for seventeen years under his roof, he obviously lied to you.) -so I figured you could watch Kumajiro!"

"Watch who? I'm no babysitter, Jacob Black you dog!"

"The bear. That's his name, Kumajiro." Jacob swings his bag over his shoulder and walks quickly (read: runs) to the opened door. "Have a great summer Edward!"

When the door slammed shut Edward felt his nice neat collected summer plans breaking at the seams; being alone in the apartment with Leah, being alone in the apartment without Leah, reading in the living room without interruption, no dirty socks in the kitchen, no mess at the bathroom sink, no one to leave the toilet seat up, no weird experimental foods in the freezer and maybe breaking in the new beanbag that Bella had bought for him for his birthday. _'He might not be Steve but he's a nice beanbag! Isn't his blue color calming?'_

But now there was none of that. There was an animal a BEAR in his home. He could see it. The bear tearing at his furniture, chewing on his shoes, relieving himself on the floor, having to be cleaned, needing constant attention...basically even if Jacob was gone he was stuck with an animal that exhibited all of Jacob's qualities.

What if the thing decided to kill _Rasputin_? Edward didn't think he could handle losing another beanbag friend!

He looked into the little beady eyes of the polar bear for an intense moment before making himself smile, he could do this! He was Edward Anthony Mason Jr. he was a survivor, after all, when you were Jacob Black's roommate your life was always in constant danger!

"Well, Kumajiro, it's just you and me. I'm Edward Mason, your host for the summer."

The bear cutely tilted its head and blinked. Edward admitted that it was kind of, cute. It didn't seem to be a loud animal thus far and the way it was resting on him reminded him of Rosalie's overgrown, obese housecat Isabella.

"Who?"

"...did you just talk?"

"Where is Canada?" Kumajiro asked as he hopped off of Edward and proceeded to climb onto Rasputin promptly falling asleep.

"Huh...well you don't see that everyday." He said with a short laugh interrupted of the smell permeating from his chest and the odd warmth almost like he was wet...

"Damnit !"

Edward damned Jacob to the seventh layer of hell that summer.

-

* * *

**Karin: **

I started this out as a way to combat writers block and somehow it turned into this!

Hetalia mixed in as normal people...I find it funny that Ivan and Edward would be friends, funnier still that Edward seems to use _Mathieu _instead of _Matthew_-I figure, that when I continue because well this is just for giggles and not serious at all so it'll be much easier to continue with then anything serious, that Edward will somehow be related to Francis Bonnefey (Lord help all the pretty people because France...well...you know...).

I found the idea of Edward and Jacob living together to be hilarious in many way-Jacob seems rather messy and fun while Edward's clean and has little eccentricities that seem to pop up whenever the mood hits him (which will be topic for discussion in later chapters). Jacob and Edward's clashing isn't that far off of my own experiences with living with my friend Janice-it worked out for a year before she decided to move out.

I love her but I couldn't be happier about getting rid of **My Jacob** of a roommate.

Anyway, about Edward's Beanbag love? Eccentric nature shinning through. About naming them? Well the name Steve is homage to Edward's favorite actor Steve Martin. Rasputin is named from Grigori Rasputin, which Edward named to frighten Jacob. Eccentric, again I cannot tell you why I decided to make Edward insane but as it happens he seemed to create himself completely in this story. I had no control.

Also to add a note, I am not a fan of the Twilight series however, I love the characters **ONLY **in fanfiction-because in my opinion fanfiction writers have given SMeyer's characters the layers that their original creator has not and have made them incredibly likable...like Edward. I hate BOOK and MOVIE Edward but I adore FANFICTION Edward who more often then not, tends to be really broody and weird.

Anyway, you might notice Edward's girlfriend is Leah Clearwater and not Bella. You see, before you destroy me fan girls, I would like to say that at one point Edward and Bella were together in high school. It didn't work out, they broke up. Bella still is prominent in Edward's life she is a very good friend of his and Jacob's. Incidentally Rosalie named her fat cat after Bella-she still doesn't like her.

Italy (Feliciano) is a good friend of Jacob's so that means that Germany (Ludwig) will be coming in soon as the voice of reason or probably the guy who saves Jacob from being strangled to death.

The Bad Touch Trio _will _become a quartet.

Poland (Feliks) _will _like totally make an appearance!

America (Alfred) _will _be intruding and taking things completely the wrong way...feel bad for Sam Uley and Emmet McCarty.

Russia(Ivan) _will _**KolKolKol **much to Carlisle's horror.

And there _will _be fainting and shouting:

Estonia (Eduard): **Lativia**! (Raivis)

Alice: **Jasper**!

Did I mention they (Jazz and Latvia) would be related? No, well they will be.

Review this and tell me if it's funny at all. It isn't a completely serious story so it's easier to write, I guess, and well, tell me what you think.

Don't flame otherwise I will send Belarus on you (of course under the condition that she may marry Ivan and well...that'll never happen unless she catches him)

**-BYE!**


	2. It's an Abstinance Problem

**The Roommate;**

**[**It's an abstinence problem!**]**

I don't own-

Scattered couples-

Hetalia characters-

Shenanigans abound-

Violence and language galore-

* * *

**-**

Edward Mason was having an off day-it had been two weeks into summer and Kumajiro had nearly destroyed any alone time he could have had. The white polar bear was whiney, needy and addicted to pancakes and maple syrup-currently as Edward stood in the cereal isle the bear huffed atop his head, pointing a claw towards the box Edward had been examining in his hand.

"No good. You'll want the Special K with strawberries. That one is good."

"Do you do this to Mathieu, too?"

"Who?"

A sigh breaks from Edward's lips as sets the Lucky Charms box back where it had been. He didn't know how Mathieu could deal with this thing! Francis had mentioned to him last night that Mathieu had gotten the bear as a present from Alfred years ago and didn't seem to really care that Kumajiro didn't recognize him.

"Overgrown cat." Edward mused as he grabbed a Honeycombs box and threw it into the basket in his hand. He turned to the right, from the distance he could see the milk. "Soy milk...yum..." He said walking in that direction.

So far he had cheese, cereal, miso soup. The last thing would be the milk and then he would be set for the weekend.

As he reached the opening he heard a strange strangled cry followed by two shouts loudly coming from his right.

"**_Raivis_**!"

"**_Jasper_**!"

Jasper Whitlock and his younger half brother, Raivis Galante were currently sprawled on the floor. Above them Alice and Raivis' "big brother" Eduard were attempting to shake them awake. Ivan Braginski was standing above them with his sister, a smile on his face.

"I can understand Raivis being afraid of Ivan, he's a big guy and sometimes you can't hear him when he walks up behind you...but I cannot even begin to understand Jasper's fear of Natalia."

He reached the milk isle and grabbed one at random. "Huh...vanilla flavor? What do you think Kumajiro?"

"Try it."

He threw it into the basket.

"Ah! Comrade Edward." A strong hand firmly grasps his shoulder. Ivan smiles warmly down at him. "How has your vacation gone?"

"Well I guess."

"You have gotten rid of that roommate, Jacob, da?"

"I have."

Ivan was nice, always smiling sweetly. Edward still could not understand why everyone was so afraid of him.

"It seems that Raivis has fainted yet again." Ivan said not the least bit troubled. "I wonder if it is because of me that более старый брат has fainted as well. Belarus assumes that he is frightened of her."

Natalia, Edward notes, is half hidden behind her older brother. Her dull blue eyes were trained on the bear on Edward head. "Oh I didn't even see you there. Hello, Natalia."

"Edward." She greets in monotone. Again, another person Edward cannot understand, that is feared by so many others. "I see that you have Matvey's bear for the summer. How has that been?"

"Tedious." He said honestly. "He's a lot to handle."

"I see." She peered into his basket, pale blond hair catching in the fluorescent light.

"Well, I'm going to pay for this and head out. I'll see you both later then."

* * *

**-**

"So I hear that you and the commie bastard have been hanging out."

Edward rolls his eyes. Currently seated on Rasputin, he pats the fuzzy head of the bear in his lap. The speaker is on as Alfred continues to drone on about Ivan the Commie Bastard.

"Are you in love with him or something?"

"What?!"

Edward chuckles under his breath. It's always fun to tease Alfred, he realizes.

"Well, I had to ask. For someone you despise so much he seems to be constantly on your mind."

"So not awesome, Eduardo, so not cool!"

"I had to say it."

The front door swings opened loudly, Kumajiro "who's" as expected then scurries off of Edward lap deciding to hide under the sofa instead. Leah is at the door with a duffle bag in her hand and a devilish smile on her dark face.

"Eduardo, what's going on?" Alfred sounds panicked; maybe he'd heard the slamming door. "Sound like an elephant in there. You okay?"

"Shut up Alfie."

"**Leland**!!!!"

And they talk for about twelve minutes about Ivan the crazy commie bastard which both dislike to great proportions. It takes time for Edward to realize that if he doesn't say anything to stop the conversation that it would continue on for hours, which in retrospect was ridiculous.

Alfred lived next door.

"Hey, not to cut this short, but if you could continue this conversation in person it would be most appreciated."

"Oh shit, sorry man." He can almost see Alfred flushing. "Door opened?"

"Yeah, come right on in."

"See you in five."

* * *

**-**

"So Jasper falls right over and I mean right over Toris' lap like a sack of potatoes with this shriek and I tell you, Alice Brandon just stands there with a look like a fish outta water. And Natalia has her hand extended. She'd been trying to ask him if she could use his phone."

And Leah throws her head back and laughs loudly. Edward isn't sure why he's so infatuated with her. Leah is nothing like the pretty demure girls from his past. Nothing like innocent Bella and her shy smiles and blushing cheeks, nothing like Jessica who loved to tease and gossip and hold his hand. There's no frailty in her at all and she's pure spitfire. Vulgar as a man and Lord help him because he was so in love.

"Fuck me sideways! Whitlock's afraid of the Arlovskaya girl?"

Alfred nods.

"Yep." He takes a long swig from the brown glass bottle in his hand. "Sometimes I think she likes scaring him like that, just walking up behind him real quiet."

"Isn't she in love with her "brother" Ivan?"

"Fuck that Commie."

It occurs to Edward that Alfred may hate Ivan for another reason entirely. Something just screams Natalia Arlovskaya.

"So uh, what'd you name this bad boy?" Alfred asks. He's seated on the new beanbag unsure whether he likes it or not.

"Rasputin."

"So anyway Leland, how goes it with the job?" Alfred asks, ignoring the name of the beanbag. "I keep forgetting that you just graduated a year ago...crazy."

"Yeah, I'm an adult. Its nuts right? Well," She smirks. "Its easier work then I realized."

"This entire time, going to school for a lit degree and you work in _realty_. Seems like a waste of a good few years of schooling just to go into work for something that far off." Alfred said to which Edward agreed to.

"Its good pay, it's easy. Do I have to explain further? Besides, I enjoyed going to school more then the prospect of jobs afterwards in the required field of my degree."

"So it was for fun."

"Damn skippy. I met a lot of good people in school, it helped me move on from the ex fiancée and I grew up. The education was just a bonus."

They knock back a few more drinks and watch a movie. Hours roll by and now it's three thirty in the morning. Kumajiro if fast asleep on Alfred's chest who's lying on the sofa without his glasses and Leah suppresses a yawn after she removes Alfred's shoes.

"So, wanna...do it?"

He was in the bedroom before she could blink.

"I think Eddie's trying to say yes. Might wanna get in there before he starts without you." Alfred said before turned his back to her and snoring loudly.

Leah threw her head back and laughed.

* * *

**-**

**[**Edward was, despite popular belief, not prudish in the bedroom. Bella would swear that Edward was a gentle lover and Jessica Stanley would wholeheartedly agree and they might not be lying. In truth, when Edward had been with them he had tried to perform at their paces and their likes and dislikes.

When he began to date Leah Clearwater however...oh that changed, Leah would be the first one to praise the minx in the bedroom who had her this way and that way and exhausted unable to move until noon the next day. To say that Edward Anthony Mason had a very good sexual appetite (read: Nymphomaniac) was the understatement of the century.

So when he looked into the drawer of his nightstand, where he kept his condoms, he was incredibly surprised (Read: horrified) to find an IOU from Jacob Black.**]**

"...DAMN YOU JACOB!"

* * *

-

**[**Somewhere in Forks Washington**]**

"Achoo!"

"You alright, son?"

"Yeah."

* * *

-

Looks like Edward can't unwind, huh? Poor Jacob is just adding points to Edward's **"Reasons why Jacob Black has to die"** list...

Yes, ladies and gents, he has one.

So more Hetalia character's here. Alfred lives next door. Why he couldn't watch over Kumajiro? Because Matthew doesn't trust him with animals. Edward and Kumajiro seem to be getting along well. I'm tempted to give him an animal to love.

Ivan and Natalia (Russia and Belarus) are friends of Edward's. I find that hilarious. More hilarious that Belarus seems to have the same effect of Jasper that Russia has on Latvia.

What Leah said about school isn't so off base. I know some people who went to school for the enjoyment of it rather then the hard work (not that they didn't work hard they just really liked school). Also, it seemed to go with her character.

What is to come (probably) next chapter?

The Bad Touch Trio kidnap Rasputin-

Sam Uley has an encounter with Arthur Kirkland (England) at a bar (Lord save him)-

Roderich Edlestein's (Austria) piano meets the sea-

Kiku Honda (Japan) makes a surprising appearance Bella's wardrobe?!?-

And Edward finally has a good day-


	3. Bruder’s Gilbert and Ludwig

**Bruder's Gilbert and Ludwig.**

[A **Heavily** medicated Berlin(wall) appears...!]

I don't own- (Obviously)

Scattered pairings- (It's a given when you think about it.)

Destruction of property- (It's bound to happen...)

Beer and wurst for breakfast- (Yummy Yummy in Edo-kun's Tummy!!!)

A locked door cannot keep the Italian away- (not that it should surprise you...)

Jacob returns- (and revenge is met.)

Loss of sanity abound- (Threw it out the window...didn't really care for it anyway!)

---

**AUTHORS NOTE [IMPORTANT] this will be Hetalia heavy. Nations names will be used...you have been warned.**

---

* * *

It was that time of year, Edward thought, the worse time of summer for him the time when everything in his life stopped and hell would descend upon the earth. For you see, despite how much he loved his father and despite the fact that his parents seemed so happy, this time of summer always reminded him that his father was less then the good married man he appeared to be before the divorce.

When Edward was ten years old he discovered that his father had another family in Germany-what was worse? Edward hadn't had his father's last name at all and once, he believed his mother's last name to be his father's turned out to be her maiden name.

Edward's _actual_ last name was Beilschmidt. Very German, if you asked Edward also, very strange.

Edward also had two brothers. An older brother who praised himself as the definition of _awesome_, _cool_ and _the best_, then there was Edward's younger brother that seemed to, somewhere along the way, inherit a large amount of muscle and seemed to be incredibly clean and uptight and freakishly tall.

"Bruder!"

'_Oh for the love of Mozart!'_

Edward waved halfheartedly. The airport was clustered and despite his five foot nine frame he could barely see the tuft of white silver hair coming towards him followed by bright blond. Not that he really wanted to see Gilbert or rather, Prussia, anyway. His older brother tended to become aggravating without really saying anything.

He stuck his hands into his pockets as beside him, Leah rocked on her heels excited at the prospect of meeting her boyfriend's brother's from-literally- another mother. She had even dressed nicely for the occasion. Dark denim cuffed jeans, heeled brown boots, red dress shirt and a brown jacket she didn't really need.

She even wore makeup!

'_Not that she really needs it.'_ He had said to himself in after thought.

The sea of passerby's seemed to separate in a mock Moses movie scene as the two Germans briskly walked towards Edward and Leah. She leaned toward Edward and whistled.

"I see looks wise you guys are all decent." She said. "So, albinism?" She pointed to a laughing Gilbert.

"No, idiotism."

Suddenly he was taken into strong arms in a back breaking hug that had to be a Beilschmidt trait.

"Edward, my jüngerer Bruder!"

Edward had almost forgotten how...sensitive Gilbert could be in these little reunions. It was almost cute really, the way Prussia would get so emotional.

"Uh, Gilbert, how are you?"

"Fucking awesome!"

The three brothers wouldn't see each other all of the time. Ludwig was in his final year of boarding school in England while Gilbert-Prussia- did freelance writing around the world and tended to be in odd places all of the time _(thankfully the profession had Gilbert away from the U.S. most of the time)_. And Edward was in his junior year of college making him quite the busy bee.

And since Mutter Brünhilde _(their mother) _had died four years before, Gilbert took it upon himself to schedule a week in summer for the three brothers to mourn Mutter Brünhilde together. _(Again, not Edward's mother)_

"And you, Ludwig, how have you been?"

"I am doing well, Bruder."

Ludwig had grown more, if possible to possibly six foot two inches. Broad shoulders strong arms and serious expression the was quickly turning red, Lean leaned upward and lowly whistled earning herself attention from the Beilschmidt brother's for the first time to the embarrassment of Edward and Ludwig, although for different reasons.

"Wow he's fucking cute!" She nearly squealed earning a boisterous laugh from Gilbert and a groan from Edward. "Edward, you never told me you had such an adorable baby brother!"

"Does he look like a baby to you?" Edward asked/shouted.

Prussia used Edward head to lean on. Gilbert may not have been as tall as Ludwig _(Gilbert was five foot ten inches)_ but he was still taller then Edward _(who, for the sake of funnies, is five foot seven inches in this story)_.

"Who's the _Schönheit_?"

"Schna-what now?" Leah asked pointing to herself making Gilbert laugh, again.

"_Schönheit_ means beauty, Leah." Edward translated and almost groaning as her head swelled _(figuratively of course)_. He turned to his brother's and shrugged. "This is Lean Clearwater, my girlfriend." He gestured towards the tall Indian woman who was now peering at Gilbert. "Leah these are my brother's, Gilbert and Ludwig Beilschmidt."

"Hey there."

"Hallo."

Leah shook their hands in rapid succession, a tight grip that earned her the nickname Little Hungary from Gilbert that Ludwig promised to tell her about later although he did manage to say, before Edward was tackled by Prussia for saying something about "smelly wurst" that Hungary was the nickname of a girl named Elizabeta.

"The one that got away?" Leah asked the youngest of the Beilschmidt brother's who seemed to be the sanest at the moment.

"For Elizabeta's sake, I hope so."

* * *

---

Dinner was not how Edward or rather...Berlin (Short for **The Berlin Wall**), had thought it would be a disastrous affair like last time: there was no throwing of food or drinking contests which would end in Berlin crying in a corner about how it would be much easier to blame Mutter Brünhilde but that in reality his own mother Elisabeth Mason, was the other woman.

Edward would emphatically apologize in French for some reason.  
_Germany_ "Ludwig" (**West**) would console him, nowhere near close to drunk though is he were human he should be, something that Edward would bring up shouting about Aliens.

Prussia "Gilbert" (**East**) would then start declaring war on everyone's vital regions and somehow, and still Berlin had no idea how; Kiku Honda (_**Nihon**_ or **Japan**-same thing) would appear in a closet drunk. But, dinner had gone by rather nicely as Leah was quick to order pizza and demand Gilbert and Ludwig's attention.

"Shit, what the hell are you guys wearing in this picture? AW Luddie you look like a pirate!"

"Well, it was Halloween. It was the first time East and I visited America with our Mutter. She was a very strange woman you see and once it came into her head that the three of us were Tick or treating together she made these costumes." Ludwig gestured to the picture in Leah's hand with a soft smile. He still had those clothes, the black hat and cloak that his mother worked so hard to make.

"Gilbert was a knight while Edward was dressed as an ancient warrior...Mutter was so...strange." Ludwig sighed and shook his head. Ah yes, in thinking about the past he also remembered Mutter's personality. A force to be reckoned with and also...how did she put it? 'The first awesome of the world'-Prussia must have inherited it from her.

"I was a Teutonic knight and Berlin here was Germania." He clipped Edward's shoulder. "Awesome huh?"

"Those costumes look really great." Leah lifted the photo closer to her face to examine the small children.

Gilbert in his metallic armor, cross on his chest there was even metal netting and leather gloves. Ludwig's costume was plain black, adorable and he'd had a ruffled lavender frock. Edward's looked like the most difficult to make with the golden armor.

"Awesome right?"

"Yeah." Leah nodded. She looked up at Edward. "Wasn't it weird for your mom, you know, letting their mom make you a Halloween costume?"

"Mother? No. She liked Mutter Brünhilde very much."

Gilbert snorted. "Though Mutter couldn't stand her at all. She was always trying to get it through to Berlin's Mutter but the woman would not get it. It was like trying to get a point across to Antonio. You just _can't_."

It was really hard to understand how a woman could like the wife of the man she loved but then, Leah had met Elisabeth Mason and had come to the conclusion that the woman was insufferably naïve and could not read the atmosphere at all.

It occurred to her that Edward was the same way.

* * *

--- The (Awesome) day

"Prussia?" Edward shouted from the bathroom. He walked into the living room to find Gilbert lying on his stomach on the sofa.

"Yes Edward?"

"Why is Roderich Edelstein hogtied in the bathtub? I almost chocked on my toothbrush when I saw him." He said. _'Blah I can still taste the wurst he shoved down my throat!'_

"Do you really want to know?" Gilbert asked.

Gibird peeped loudly from his head in Edward's direction; it seemed trying to tell him that;_ 'no you really do not want to know'_.

"...I'm going to the store with Ludwig. You want anything?"

"Do you have any sponge cake?"

"You hate sponge cake why do you want sponge cake?"

"...it's not for me it's for Roddy. I have to keep him fed."

"...I'll get the cake."

"Yeah, you do that."

* * *

--- Later that (Awesome) day

"What in the name of Beethoven is THAT?"

"You don't like my Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte (Black Forest Cake)?"

"I would if it was Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, what that is...it is certainly not Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte! That looks like dried over shit all over my kitchen counter!"

"Well yeah but that's only because you sidled up behind me without making yourself known. I wouldn't have dropped it on your pristine counter if you didn't sneak up like that." Gilbert had the nerve to actually look angry. "Since it's your fault you clean it up! It was gonna be so awesome too. Damn it Berlin!"

A tick started in Edward left eye as he surveyed the destroyed remnants of cake that Kumajiro was now licking up. Ludwig, who had just walked into the war zone (Edward's kitchen), stared dumbfounded before sighing and bending down to clear away most of the mess.

"Oh HELL no! Gilbert you clean this mess up right now you red eyed freak!" "The AWESOME me doesn't do woman's work! "_Woman's work_!?!? I don't care if you don't do _woman's work_! I want my beautiful kitchen back!"

"Then you clean it! You sound like a wife anyway!" Ludwig could just see the war looming in the horizon between his older brothers.

* * *

--- During that (Awesome) night

Ludwig couldn't be sure of the specifics. He hadn't been awake at the time, having gone to bed at exactly 2200 hours (military time folks...11:00 PM). He'd fallen asleep in Edward's room; the two had been using the same bed most nights. It's was exactly 0100 (1:00 AM) hours when he heard a loud shrieking. Having been a light sleeper, always, it took him a moment to understand that something was happening in the bathroom.

"Mein Gott..."

"West! West look! My awesome hair is...is...why is there chocolate in my hair!"

A thump in the living room indicated that Berlin had finally lost himself in laughter and Ludwig could do nothing but stare at Prussia who was picking the leftovers of Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte out of his hair.

* * *

--- The trip that keeps on tripping

Edward hated stairs because, despite his usually poised demeanor, he was quite clumsy on them. Once, and he remembered this very clearly, when he was ten years old he had actually tripped up on the stairs. How it had been possible no one knew for certain, and he thanked God that Vash and his sister were there to fall on.

"Here I go."

So, when Edward was carefully trudging down the stairs he did not appreciate the loud shout coming directly into his right ear; "TIMBER!"

And Edward fell down three floors.

"DAMN YOU PRUSSIA!"

* * *

--- The trip that keeps on tripping PART 2

Edward sat with Leah in the small Coffee Bean restaurant where Bella worked. Ludwig had made a friend of the girl due to the free coffee she offered so at the moment he was seated with her at the bar during her break asking her about work and about the short haired girl with the wild curl who was rather pretty in her maid outfit (the uniform).

As Edward stood up to collect their coffee, the girl who Ludwig had quite fancied ended up being Feliciano Vargas, Gilbert appeared at his side from no where and to Edward's horror Gilbert stuck his foot out to the side and...

"BAM!"

Gilbert shouted as Edward twisted his ankle at the fall, covered in hot coffee from head to toe.

"DAMN YOU PRUSSIA!"

* * *

--- The trip that keeps on tripping PART 3

After leaving the hospital and driving Leah home and having some...ehem...alone time with her, Edward was finally on his way home. It was dark out, almost black and he was relatively alone on the streets. Ludwig had called him asking if he was alright. Edward had laughed; Ludwig was such a sweetheart despite his tough guy outward expression. Gilbert, however, had called in order to congratulate himself on tripping the un-awesome wife of the house.

"You shouldn't have sullied my awesome hair, Berlin. I had to get even."

"Idiot." He parked the Volvo in the only free parking space that was available, which was at least half a block away. His ankle still hurt but, Edward willed himself to walk without the limp-which he did not succeed in but if asked would tell differently. He slowly walked up the stairs after some deliberation and after reaching the top, he took a long deep breath. He'd imagined his older brother hiding in the shadows waiting to frighten him and make him trip over his own feet again. Gilbert was just that kind of a guy.

"He's not that bad...well..." He passed the closed apartment doors, pausing for a moment on 4c. Alfred would have to be home...Alfred would let him take the couch if he asked. "But Arthur is probably there. I don't want to cut in on their...alone time."

Plus Edward wasn't that fond the British, big browed 25 yr old that had, once upon a time been his English tutor. He made it to his door that was opened ajar and paused. Did he really want to go in there? Did he need to? He felt silly. Gilbert would trip him again, that was a given since the Albino had called him to gloat about his victory. He had his hand on the knob before he heard a loud scream.

"Ludwig!" Edward, despite the limp and pain, ran into the apartment only to trip over a large dark figure lying on the floor. "Damn it!"

The lights turned on, Ludwig who had earlier screamed had Feliciano huddled behind him probably naked. Gilbert was sitting up on the sofa staring at his brother dumbfounded.

"What the hell was that Gilbert?"

"I didn't do anything!"

Edward looked down and stared at the THING he had tripped over and scowled darkly.

"Um...hey there Eddie, how's it going?"

"..."

Alfred and Arthur awoke to a loud thumping sound from next door that sounded distinctly like someone's heard was being pounded against the floor. There was loud sobbing and a very familiar shout.

"DAMN YOU JACOB!"

* * *

---

**Chapter 3 is a reunion chapter. Edward isn't an only child he is the brother of Prussia and Germany! Don't ask me why I had them be related I haven't a clue either. **

**Also-about the door being left opened? Italy somehow managed to pick the lock so that he could sneak into bed with Germany. Also, to note, they haven't just met for the first time. Germany and Italy met when they were kids...think Chibitalia. Italy, after having met his first love again decided he wanted to be with him always...poor Ludwig or not since Italy is just so cute! **

**Edward is a common name in Germany so their father's name is Edward Anthony Beilschmidt. About the second family thing...it happens, apparently though in this it would make Edward and his mother the second family and Gilbert and Ludwig's mom the first wife...eh it's confusing and Mr. Beilschmidt is a dick. **

**Anyway-why is Gilbert so mean to Edward? He's teasing him, in a violent way yes but teasing non the less. **

**Alfred and Arthur, are they a couple? **

**You tell me. **

**LoL Review please! No flames! **

**Next chapter;**

**The Bad Touch Trio reunite!**

**Gilbrid and Kumajiro have a day off!**

**Someone has a threesome?!?**

**Who's idea was it to go to Vegas?!**

**Someone get's MARRIED?**

**Preview: **

**A sticky bathtub, a heart shaped bed and a pan to the groin equal **** _Tru Lurve_ **

"Why do I have a fuzzy taste in my mouth, so not awesome..."

"Why do I have a ring on my finger? Why are we naked?!?"

"We're what?"

_**So a Wolf girl, a Polish guy and a Lithuanian walk into a bar... **_

"Yeah dude, we like totally saw you guys leave the chapel with like a certificate and everything, right Liet? Leah?"

"Y-yes."

"Toris and I threw rice on you guys while Feliks here started taking pictures on his phone."

"It was like, totally romantic!"

"We got married?!? I married this jerk?"

"Who you calling jerk, woman?"

_**Lions and tigers and German's oh my! **_

"So how did they make you disappear, Germany? Was it magic?"

"No. Why did I let you talk me into seeing Siegfried and Roy?"

"Ve~"

_**And so the Lion strangled the shape shifter but that's ok because the Austrian guy got a gig in a lounge playing out his stress on the piano while the lamb was totally making out with the guy who tasted like Tomato's while she sat in the lap of the French dude (she was totally wasted by the way otherwise she wouldn't have done it. **_

"Die!"

"Ed...can't...breathe..."

"GOOD! Roderich, play some Claire de Lune! I have to have to hear some Claire de Lune as life leaves this bastard's eyes!"

**...seriously leave reviews lots of them so that I write it up and post it faster...Prussia's awesomeness depends on at least ten or five reviews!**


	4. Viva Las Vegas style

_**The Roommate;**_

**[**_Viva Las Vegas Style_!**]**

I don't own- _(A Durf)_

**Scattered pairings-**

Gratuitous amounts of Awesome- _(Prussian style)_

**Elvis impersonator-**

Marriage contracts- _(Haw Haw Haw)_

**The little white chapel-**

Violence of the Edo-Kun's and Jakey-Cake kind- _(As if it would be anything else)_

**A magic show and hilarity abound-**

**

* * *

  
**

- **The morning after**

The sun peered into the room in bright shots of white blinding light heating up the occupants of the bed. Everything, Gilbert noted, smelled far too much like flowers and perfume. For a moment, after he shook petals out of his white hair, he thought that he had somehow ended up in bed with Francis but the scent of perfume wasn't his.

_'No this smells kind of nice kind of like...'_

He leaned over the overly soft bed and dry retched. Nothing came out of his mouth but his stomach constricted as though trying. His mouth tasted bitter, the after taste the morning after way too much tequila and whiskey.

_'Ah, those were the days...'_ he thought to himself as he remembered the days of his youth or rather, his days of junior high when he met Antonio Fernandez and Francis Bonnefoy.

He sat up, the thick pink sheets falling onto his lap, and stretched his right arm upward while the scratched his flat belly.

"Where in the world am I?"

A flash of memories flooded back to him, ah yes, he understood, Leah and Edward packing up for a vacation; _"You can come but you have to stay out of my way, Bruder."_

Ludwig dragging Feliciano Vargas with them who happened to drag his cute but unpleasant older brother Lovino, _"Ve~ Lovi will be so lonely without me Doitsu!"_

Running into, of all people, Elizabeta!

_"Oh great...just fantastic, I have to sit next to you and I don't even have my frying pan on me, how pleasant a trip this will not be."_

He remembered being dragged to some show if only a little. Siegfried and Roy, of course because Feliciano and Lovino had wanted to go so badly and of course wherever Feliciano went Ludwig was sure to go. Worse still, because the moment _(Gilbert still wasn't entirely sure when Francis and Antonio entered the picture) _that Antonio had met Lovino he had taken to following the older Vargas like a love struck lost puppy.

_"Hey, potato bastard, if I see any funny business I'm kicking your ass!"_

_"Oh Lovi, you are so funny." _

_"H-hey you idiot get your hand off my ass!"_

_"__Usted parece un tomate, Lovi! _

He remembered drinking, lots and lots of drinking and Gilbert was pretty sure that Edward had somehow lost his shirt though he couldn't remember why. Somehow Leah had procured two new friends, a boy with green eyes and some Polish girl with an attitude problem.

_"Like, your boyfriend is so totally Dobre spojrzenie!"_

_"Edward's what now?"_

_"It like totally means Good Looking, Leah! He's almost as handsome as Liet!"_

_"Please Edward, get off the table!"_

_"Toris! Toris look! I've got no pants now!"_

_"Edward please put on your pants! You'll be arrested! Get off the bar!"_

_"NOOOOOOO!"_

_"Kodėl aš turiu elgtis su dalykų kaip tai visą laiką? (Why do I have to deal with things like this all of the time?)"_

Then there was that one girl...what was her name? Something Italian, Gilbert was sure...Isabelle? Hadn't she ended up in the lap of Francis and hadn't she been kissing Antonio? Lovino had been there-oh yes, Lovino had been incredibly jealous of that.

_"Hey, you, puttana, get your hands off of Antonio!"_

_"Who?"_

And then Gilbert had left...what happened after he left? He remembered kind of, running into someone and remembered the smell of flowers and soft skin. Kisses that tasted like far too much vodka that he was reminded of the Russian bastard.

_"Let's go into that building."_

_"Sure, ok."_

And then there was darkness.

He threw himself back onto the bed and tried to imagine what could have happened the night before. Whatever had happened, it had to have been fun. The girl had to have been beautiful because anyone he was ever with was beautiful because well...when you were awesome you deserved pretty girls. (This is Gilbert logic so it doesn't have to be taken that seriously)

Gilbert imagined his brain slipping and sliding in his skull, his head ached and somehow his stomach had decided to try to dry heave again. He needed water. He was starving so maybe he would order wurst...or eggs. Eggs were good.

A groan came from his left; someone's arm came up to rest on his chest, long soft fingers curling against the hollow of his throat. Gilbert, shocked by this just shrugged and went back to sleep. He was probably still a little drunk. This would, he suspected later, explain why he hadn't caught the glinting on the girl's finger or the words written in liquid eyeliner across his chest in curly script:

**JUST MARRIED**

**

* * *

  
**

- **Lying in the arms of someone you hate**

Edward Anthony Mason 'Beilschmidt opened his eyes to the blazing sun. The pillow beneath him was warm and breathing.

_'Breathing? Hm...Leah...'_

He snuggled into the pillow even more, his hung-over brain taking a moment to catch up. It was five minutes when he realized that the chest was flat...no breasts...

_'This is not Leah this is...this is...'_

Edward flew back with a shriek and suddenly, when his eyes caught the face of the chest he had been lying on _(bare chest BTW) _he let out a terrified scream!

_"Yaaarh!!!!!!!!!"_

Jacob Black was not amused.

- **Waking up French!**

Francis had never ever been one to sit back during copulation, one could argue that he was usually the reason sex happened in odd places in the first place and in various positions.

Bathroom stalls, restaurant booths, circus tents, police stations, alley ways, flower beds, mall food courts, comedy club stages and museums, parks, yaoi conventions, squad cars (_which led _to_ the police station_) and...You get the general picture. Francis Bonnefoy was shy of nymphomaniac.

Last night however, he had sat back and enjoyed the rather erotic show. Leaning back on an overly cheesy golden chair in his hotel room, Francis surveyed the bed in front of him with a lecherous grin. What lay there had to have been one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen.

A Spaniard with glistening golden brown skin, curly brown silken hair and a satisfied smile on his plump dusky rose lips, an Italian boy, equally dark equally handsome but smaller, lither and then the pale white, dark haired beauty sandwiched between them.

"_Mes amours_..."

Maybe he could join them when they awoke?

He took a sip of his champagne.

"Here is to hoping _mes amis_."

* * *

- **The old married couple**

Germany and Italy had a good night. They'd seen a show, watched their siblings make fools of themselves. They had a late night dinner they had danced and had drunk only enough to become nicely buzzed.

Here's a little how their night went while getting ready for bed:

_"Italia, have you brushed your teeth?"_

_"Yes. Doitsu, did you remember to set the alarm?"_

_"Yes Italia."_

Both settled into bed. Ludwig leaning back against pillows reading while beside him, Feliciano a crocheted. _"Ve~ Doitsu, where are your glasses?"_

_"I don't need them."_

Time lapsed, no words spoken. Finally Feliciano placed his work into the basket next to the bed. Ludwig removed his glasses _(ones that Feliciano had shoved onto his face)_ and closed his book. The lights went off and both readied themselves under the covers.

_"Good night Feliciano."_

_"Good night Ludwig._

...and they wondered why Edward called them an old married couple...

"Ludwig, what times were we supposed to meet everyone for breakfast?" Feliciano asked literally bouncing on the foot of the bed. White and t-shit curling up at the bottom where another white, burgundy, hugged the skin tightly, why he had chosen to wear anything that warm Ludwig wouldn't know.

"In fifteen minutes. Italia, are you positive about Lovino? Are you sure that he left the bar with Antonio and Francis?"

"Yes."

"That poor soul." Ludwig buckled his jeans. "Do you think that Bruder will make it?"

"Which one?" Feliciano shrugged. He tossed a black t-shirt at the German after giving it a critical look.

"Edward." Ludwig pulled the shirt on pulling at the bottom for a second or two to stretch it. "Gilbert well, I will not hold my breath. We might not see him until the weekend is over and then it will be on the arms of Francis."

The two made their way out of the room and towards the elevator talking about the night before of course Ludwig was only half listening. He had a dreadful feeling in the pit of his belly, something about Edward and Gilbert.

Ludwig was the first to admit that out of the three brother's Gilbert was the most trouble however, as much as Berlin liked to believe otherwise, he was a lot like Prussia-their personalities were almost the same. Edward just knew how to hide it better.

"Doitsu! Doitsu!"

"What?"

"So how did they make you disappear, Germany? Was it magic?"

"No. Why did I let you talk me into seeing Siegfried and Roy?"

"Ve~"

The elevator pined loudly, the door whooshed opened. Ludwig's head began to ache, thinking about that particular detail last night.

He hated tigers.

Feliciano led him to the dinning area, a buffet overflowing with tourists in much too loud Hawaiian shirts-which Ludwig couldn't even understand the need to wear...they were in Las Vegas not Hawaii.

"Ludwig! Feliciano! Here sit next to me!"

The two made their way through the crown of loud shirts and snapping photos towards a girl sitting alone at a large table. Her green eyes glittered like gems as she held her digital camera in a vice grip. She giggled.

"Where is everyone?" Ludwig asked taking a seat beside the girl as Feliciano had run off to get them all breakfast.

"Oh you mean the guests of honor?" She giggled again although much more maliciously. "right there coming this way and by the looks of them all with hangovers."

And it was true. A large crowd was coming in, their entire party with...more people involved. First was Edward walking in with a veritable limp holding onto the hand of Leah who was speaking almost rapidly to the short blond beside her that he later identified as Feliks.

Toris was trying and failing to get the attention of Francis who had groped Lovino. Bella Swan, a friend of Feliciano's and Edward's, had a look of utter embarrassment and disbelief. She kept pinching herself for some odd reason while Antonio was patting her back sympathetically. He seemed to be apologizing? Jacob Black was animatedly talking to Roderich Edelstein who looked like he would rather be elsewhere.

Finally the most confusing and odd couple appeared.

"There's the money shot!" Elizabeta took pictures in rapid succession as Gilbert entered the room with a very angry and homicidal looking Natalia Arlovskaya.

"So, something tells me that there is a story here." Ludwig said as Feliciano returned with their breakfast.

The woman merely nodded.

* * *

**-Part 1 done...Part 2 to Las Vegas Chapter will be updated soon!**

**

* * *

  
**

**Anyone else confused by the Elizabeta not being the girl from the beginning? **

**Did Jacob and Edward have a hot and heavy moment?**

**Answer...probably not but that doesn't mean Edo-Kun's isn't going to try to kill Jake anyway.**

**The threesome was...unusual huh?**

**The way I see it...the term what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Bella probably agrees.**

**Francis is also a pervert...**

**Next part here will focus on Gilbert and the wife he ended up acquiring sometime the night before.**

**I know initially this was to have mostly Edward and Jacob roommate-ism and it will, just right now the weirdness of this story is focused elsewhere.**

**If I get a few reviews I might just update faster. **

**No flames.**


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